Everything......

Every new beginning,
comes from some beginnings end.

Every time you kill me,
I am born again.

Every time you close that door,
Another door is opened.

And every time you say goodbye,
a different word is spoken.

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

Every time I join your game,
You're not playing fair,

And every time I really love you,
I pretend that I don't care.

Moments of desperation 1

There I stand..
In the long dark night
Not an answer not a single call…
Not a wise advise..
Nor a good device
No memories..absolutely no recall

Sadness….desperation…fear
All running through this cold body
Nothing can be thought about this…
But the only thing I fear is to be so lonely
Not a single word has came to my ear
From long ago on this deep chaotic mist

As I wait for my love to call upon my name
I see no sparks glittering from her eye
As I wait for her love to shine
I cant see what is unnamed
As her own sword into my body chimes
Blood flown from her own device

I don’t know what to think anymore
I don’t know what I am living for
I love her deep inside…
All my thoughts are hers…and I cant find
Her good friend
Betrayal behind her mask…
Of godliness and saintness…
I don’t know what I have to say
Maybe it is that I do care

Why do I get hurt on this lonely night
When spirits are in their rage
When my body shivers with the cold moon breeze
Where my senses are active and seeing in many colors
Why do I get lonely when my eyes are open
Why do I fear myself and whats beyond
When I can finally see more I want to close my eyes

Oh sweet lord…if you can still hear me
Please let me see….dont blind my eyes
Make me understand
Just don’t make me hard to stand…
Let me profess my words
Let me be the one with the cries
Let me be the one who judges
Still not a call…
Still not a single word
Still I am alone on this lonely world
And its nothing what my memory recalls….

Pathetic music on my back
My feet freezing to death…
My hands warm…writing…
Expressing….
My look lost
My mouth shut
My ears concentrated…
My heart…aching….
My brain….. crazy

Definitely I started to believe
that I am deranged…are the crazy ones the others?
Or is it me….I have got no control
Its all turned upside down…
No way out of this mess.
Not even death….
But whats death?
I have got no answer still in my life….
Which I don’t know what it is yet….
When I understand I probably die…
I’m nervous….very nervous.

Days making me decay
Second after second I am falling apart….
Things got warmer….or should I say…. harder
Now not tomorrow….
Everything in my life is happening now
Necessity….anger…love…lust
Hate…..hunger….peace…..death

I am afraid of the outside because
I am not sure of inside…..I just want to end
This hellish nightmare….is this heaven or is it hell
I don’t know…I can scream in pain
No one hears me….
I can bleed to death
No one sees my blood
Their eyes sewed
Bleeding….their mouth stitched
They’re ears…gone….
Walking in their decaying bodies…
With no soul….completely empty

There’s no escape from this black box
Why I am so negative….or may be positive…
Things are not so bad…always…
The thing I know is that….I need her
I need her on my hand….she makes me bleed
Darkness she embraces…
Death she kisses…

I am alone in the dark……

Garden of my own...

Deep inside my soul I have a garden of my own….
It lays there alone with its black rakes…..
Its covered by the scent of roses which grow all around it
The door is open, why doesn’t anyone want to come in?
Inside it the marble floor lays untouched.
Covered by dust and shining in agony…
Opening the door an angel awaits with her open arms
In the floor lays my lifeless body covered by dry blood
At my side there’s a key, a key no one ever took….
A bottle of wine lays untouched at the angels feet
Which awaited for a grateful feast

Now crawling my blood walks through the marble
It cuts the dust like a knife and slides between
The mist like my face cuts the wind…..
The key shine……. with my blood…..she embraces it….
Caresses it….runs through every curve….
Out now it lays there again…lifeless….meaningless…..careless

Now I’m alone…as I have ever been….laying within my
garden of dying roses….lying at the angels feet…
Resting my head on the cold but firm marble….
With my eyes wide open staring at the sky….
My mouth open from my last scream…
Now as my blood reaches the fountain
and as my last breath goes out by my lips…..
I stare in agony to the sky…..and think how wonderful it would have been

If someone had ever taken that key.....

I defeated him...

I came to a desert.....

The sun was scorching bright

I came across him.....the man of substance

And I.....I stared at him....

He showed me his sword.......the sword of honour

His eyes shone with victory and pride.....

His arms showed the strength of an experienced warrior

And I.....Istared at him.....

He showed his skills......the skills he learned from his victories

and defeats.....

He told me how weak I am....

He told me how inexperienced I am....

He told me I know nothing of the desert....

He told me how insane I am....

And I.....I stared at him....

He told me I have got no skills....

He told me I have got no technique....

He told me I am still a kid....

He told me he knows more than me.....

He told me everything through his silence.......his eyes......his soul....

And I....... I still stared at him.....

Then suddenly......he dropped his sword....

Then suddenly......he knelt down.....

He covered his face with his hands......

And the burning sand welcomed those few drops of saltish water....

I moved towards him.......knelt down.....

Touched his face.......lifted it up......and wiped his tears

He stared at me.......

And I...... I smiled

I defeated him...........